Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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