Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
