i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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