People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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