She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
