You can't motorboat a personality
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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