I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
