I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
