i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
