I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
