it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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