I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
