the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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