He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
