She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
