And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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