I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
