Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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