True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
