Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
