i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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