i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
