Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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