It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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