what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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