just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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