party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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