it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
