U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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