i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
