my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
