I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
two words...techno handjob
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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