I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
