birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
