WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
