Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
