Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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