Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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