just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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