Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
