in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
