The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
