mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
