arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
