i think my mom watched the whole time
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
