You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
