he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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