Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
