WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
