Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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