She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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