Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
