Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
