I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
