I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
