he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
