Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
