I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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