Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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