It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
