youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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