Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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