I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
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he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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