Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Acid is not a monday night drug
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
