guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
