i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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