The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
