Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
