direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
