Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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