You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
